Friday, July 18, 2008 Y 6:35 am
Today’s really a big contrast with yesterday. Wished this day would be erased of from my memory. Totally awful day at band. Particularly my fault anyway. I couldn’t play what the conductor wanted me to play.
I felt embarrassed of myself. Those bars were so easy. And it was really no big deal, NOTHING, compared to Poema Alpestre. Sadly I couldn’t even get my air flow right. The sound didn’t come out straight away. I couldn’t reach the low notes. Felt stupid. Serious stupid. Baka. What was I doing? My friends said my embroshure was wrong. I didn’t tongue. Yeah I know, I haven’t been the best player since Yr 1.
Now I know what it feels like. Demoralised, I mean. Not being to do what others can do with a simple SNAP. It was a wonder the conductor didn’t scold me and managed to contain his temper. Really sorry to him and everyone else ‘cos his mood never did get better already. All Because of me. Yeah. Because of Sheena Ng.
And I know the seniors are angry, even if they don’t show it, I know it. They are pissed with me, and I don’t blame them. After the previous saxophone players quite, I’m probably the worst player now.
I’m hopeless. I’m glad that I didn’t go to Brisbane and embarrass myself and my seniors.
